As a kid growing up fast food wasn’t an everyday thing. My parents would make home cooked meals most days, and when we didn’t eat at home we would go to a relative’s house and there would be a home cooked meal. Fast food was something we got as a treat or something we had when the day was just to crazy to cook a meal. We really never had just one place that we went to all the time because our decision on fast food was usually decided by what we ate that week or what one of us was craving. Our fast food experience usually wasn’t dinner most of the time, but breakfast was our downfall for fast food. Since me and my brother were always in some type of sport most of our lives we had a pretty healthy regime where my dad would give us certain things to keep us at our best. We were always on the go the days where we had games or tournaments two hours away it was hard to get a good breakfast in. We would resort to some type of donut shop, but only allowed to get a muffin or sandwich with milk or juice. The one thing that I always looked forward to as a kid was Saturdays when it was football season and the snack bar and what they made always smelled so good and tasted good too. We were allowed one thing, but it always had to have a Gatorade or water with it so we would keep hydrated in the sun since my brother was a football player, and I was he cheerleader. At times it was really helpful to keep us healthy and on the go, but still have all the right nutrients we needed.
Fast food through my senior was a necessity some days between having or working games along with ASB, I wouldn’t get home till ten and have to do my homework that picking up something was the only way I would actually be able to get a decent amount of sleep that night. Since the end of my senior year till now I haven’t relied on fast food as much and prefer not to eat it. Especially after getting food poisoning from Burger King one day. I try to be home in time for dinner most days of the week but there are some days when I have class or im out with friends that it doesn’t work out that I try to make arrangements to eat later that night at home versus eating fast food. For me, I feel that fast food just makes me more tired and doesn’t give me the energy I need. After eating fast food I find myself craving fruit or vegetables. I try not to rely on fast food, but sometimes you can’t help it with certain situations. Even as hard as I try to shun it, I always end up eating it occasionally. I’m glad my parents didn’t rely of fast food when I was a kid because I know the importance of a home cooked meal is to people.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Sunday, September 21, 2014
How Cancer Changed My Life
At the end of my 7th grade year when most people were happy and celebrating the end of the school year, I was mourning the loss of my great grandma, who was 83 at the time. She was the backbone of our family and the person who held us together. After the passing everything changed dramatically in myself as well as our family. I grieved her loss the hardest, My friends were all happy and would tell me to get over it, but they never once asked me how I was doing.
It was the middle of May 2009 when the family found out that she was diagnosed with cancer and hospitalized. She began to get really sick and couldn’t get treatment for her cancer because it had spread too far. She came home worse than when she left and every family member came to her house to take care of her and be with her in her final days. On her final day with us, a little over three weeks of her being sick, everyone lost hope and bean to surround her at her bedside to say their final goodbyes. The look of pain over her aged face her small body frame became even smaller than usual, as I looked at her suffering it made a knot in my stomach and chest. I just wanted it all to end.
They called all the great grandchildren in to see her, we all walked obediently into the house and down the hall that felt cramped, dark, and seemed unusually long to end up at her door left wide open. I go to walk into the room only to be stopped by a force and couldn’t walk pass the door frame. I couldn’t stand to see the caring, witty, and loving woman I grew to know in that condition. I never was able to go into her room and said my goodbye from the door under my breath so know one could hear it.
The one thing I remember about that day is the feeling that had built up in my chest was relieved, but I felt a piece of me was now missing. I went out to eat with my aunt and cousin to have a little break from everything. As we sat outside in the playground area of McDonalds I remember the release and just looking up at the sky. I knew at exactly that moment she was gone and she didn’t feel pain anymore. Even with the cars buzzing by and kids playing loudly, I was in complete peace and the dull colors of the past few weeks began to become brighten again.
As she was brought out of her room and the kids were in a room across the hall waiting for the okay to come out of my uncle and aunt‘s room. I was holding my cousin Evan ,who was two at the time, and looked out the door to see her room dark and quiet. He looked into the room and waved. He simply said, “Goodnight grandma.”
“Yeah, goodnight grandma,” I responded, as a tear slowly ran down my face.
The next couple days were a blur with everything happening between the funeral and her will. Her house had become chaos. People were having arguments left and right about everything. The funeral went smoothly everyone remembered her for who she truly was and how she would have wanted it to go.
The two personalities of my family came out the ones who had money were only worried about the money and their benefits and the other group who sat together and watched in disgust of what the family had become. The greed of the relatives was shocking because not one of us was raised to be that way. The one thing I remember was my grandma letting people that were her children or grandchildren take her place to choose something. I went once in that cycle and choose the one piece of jewelry everyone happened to be looking for because of their value, but for me. The strand of fresh water pearls I choose reminded me of summer I spent with her, and the day she brought out all of her pearls. She went through each strand and everyone of them had a story and the fresh water pearls were the pearls my great grandpa gave her after he had come after a war.
Later that night I overheard my grandma talking to my aunt Lydia asking what had happen to the pearls. My grandma responded,” I don’t know, they were on the table at one point and when I looked for them again they were gone.”
I waited until my aunt and grandma finished their conversation, and called her over. “I took a pearl necklace from the table.”
“Show it to me,” my grandma commanded under her breath. I slowly took the necklace out of my mom’s purse and passed it over to my grandma.
“This is the one everyone is looking for, but I want you to keep it. I want it to stay in our family. Don’t tell anyone else you have these.”
“Okay, I understand,” I said as I put them back into my mom’s purse.
After a week everything started settling down and everyone went back to where they live is when her passing really hit me hard. For awhile, I wasn’t eating or sleeping and had a constant sharp pain in my stomach. When I would actually sleep all of my dreams were about her. One night while I was wide awake in bed, I started thinking that she may not be with us physically anymore, but she would always be in my heart and memories. The strength of her and her genuine personality of just speaking her mind is in me. The strength and support she gave me was in me, and no one could put me down unless I let them. Since her passing there has been multiple times where I wished she was here still to keep the family together, but I know she is watching from somewhere.
I now have lost three people to cancer and have learned that with loss it gets a little easier and what they taught me have stayed with me to this day. They all truly believed in everyone and their potential to be great. At the end of each day, whether its been bad or good, I know they were and still would be proud of my accomplishments and the person I have grown to be.
I changed as a person through these experiences. I went from being kind of selfish and took people for granted, but I never knew what life would be like without them. On tough days, when I feel discouraged I think about what they told me, as I look at my wrist. Where my cancer ribbon tattoo is and remember what they taught me. That I only have to be my best self and not everyone will like what I’m doing, but it doesn’t matter as long as I’m happy with my choices.
It was the middle of May 2009 when the family found out that she was diagnosed with cancer and hospitalized. She began to get really sick and couldn’t get treatment for her cancer because it had spread too far. She came home worse than when she left and every family member came to her house to take care of her and be with her in her final days. On her final day with us, a little over three weeks of her being sick, everyone lost hope and bean to surround her at her bedside to say their final goodbyes. The look of pain over her aged face her small body frame became even smaller than usual, as I looked at her suffering it made a knot in my stomach and chest. I just wanted it all to end.
They called all the great grandchildren in to see her, we all walked obediently into the house and down the hall that felt cramped, dark, and seemed unusually long to end up at her door left wide open. I go to walk into the room only to be stopped by a force and couldn’t walk pass the door frame. I couldn’t stand to see the caring, witty, and loving woman I grew to know in that condition. I never was able to go into her room and said my goodbye from the door under my breath so know one could hear it.
The one thing I remember about that day is the feeling that had built up in my chest was relieved, but I felt a piece of me was now missing. I went out to eat with my aunt and cousin to have a little break from everything. As we sat outside in the playground area of McDonalds I remember the release and just looking up at the sky. I knew at exactly that moment she was gone and she didn’t feel pain anymore. Even with the cars buzzing by and kids playing loudly, I was in complete peace and the dull colors of the past few weeks began to become brighten again.
As she was brought out of her room and the kids were in a room across the hall waiting for the okay to come out of my uncle and aunt‘s room. I was holding my cousin Evan ,who was two at the time, and looked out the door to see her room dark and quiet. He looked into the room and waved. He simply said, “Goodnight grandma.”
“Yeah, goodnight grandma,” I responded, as a tear slowly ran down my face.
The next couple days were a blur with everything happening between the funeral and her will. Her house had become chaos. People were having arguments left and right about everything. The funeral went smoothly everyone remembered her for who she truly was and how she would have wanted it to go.
The two personalities of my family came out the ones who had money were only worried about the money and their benefits and the other group who sat together and watched in disgust of what the family had become. The greed of the relatives was shocking because not one of us was raised to be that way. The one thing I remember was my grandma letting people that were her children or grandchildren take her place to choose something. I went once in that cycle and choose the one piece of jewelry everyone happened to be looking for because of their value, but for me. The strand of fresh water pearls I choose reminded me of summer I spent with her, and the day she brought out all of her pearls. She went through each strand and everyone of them had a story and the fresh water pearls were the pearls my great grandpa gave her after he had come after a war.
Later that night I overheard my grandma talking to my aunt Lydia asking what had happen to the pearls. My grandma responded,” I don’t know, they were on the table at one point and when I looked for them again they were gone.”
I waited until my aunt and grandma finished their conversation, and called her over. “I took a pearl necklace from the table.”
“Show it to me,” my grandma commanded under her breath. I slowly took the necklace out of my mom’s purse and passed it over to my grandma.
“This is the one everyone is looking for, but I want you to keep it. I want it to stay in our family. Don’t tell anyone else you have these.”
“Okay, I understand,” I said as I put them back into my mom’s purse.
After a week everything started settling down and everyone went back to where they live is when her passing really hit me hard. For awhile, I wasn’t eating or sleeping and had a constant sharp pain in my stomach. When I would actually sleep all of my dreams were about her. One night while I was wide awake in bed, I started thinking that she may not be with us physically anymore, but she would always be in my heart and memories. The strength of her and her genuine personality of just speaking her mind is in me. The strength and support she gave me was in me, and no one could put me down unless I let them. Since her passing there has been multiple times where I wished she was here still to keep the family together, but I know she is watching from somewhere.
I now have lost three people to cancer and have learned that with loss it gets a little easier and what they taught me have stayed with me to this day. They all truly believed in everyone and their potential to be great. At the end of each day, whether its been bad or good, I know they were and still would be proud of my accomplishments and the person I have grown to be.
I changed as a person through these experiences. I went from being kind of selfish and took people for granted, but I never knew what life would be like without them. On tough days, when I feel discouraged I think about what they told me, as I look at my wrist. Where my cancer ribbon tattoo is and remember what they taught me. That I only have to be my best self and not everyone will like what I’m doing, but it doesn’t matter as long as I’m happy with my choices.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Today's Thought on Marriage
Marriage today is viewed differently than any other time because unlike most generations, women are independent and have more options available to them. Although it is different now people still want and find marriage is important at some point in life especially if they want children. It is alive and strong but not as much as it used to be. People now get married at their convenience rather than for financial stability, as the genders became more equal to each other marriage was put off longer. The business marriage has faded away and the marriage for love took its place.
As you get older some people start jumping on he bandwagon of marriage and tries to move you in that direction when they decide to. For some marriage means everything to them. Some men think they have to take care of women and the women will take care of the house and children, but that’s an archaic way of thinking. Most women want to work and contribute to the household, in reality today’s society needs two incomes to keep a comfortable lifestyle most people want and enjoy.
The temporary marriage license being introduced is one other thing this generation is adapting too, but some people are completely against it because of what marriage is supposed to represent a lifetime. Why would someone cut the lifelong commitment short? Divorce rates play a big role in that, it has become a normal thing and everyone knows at least one person who is divorced. The children of divorced parents get it the hardest between custody and their way of living being shattered. The hope of a till death do us part doesn’t happen for most people. It is almost uncommon to have one marriage in your lifetime.
Temporary marriage license may be good because divorce rates will go down, but then it really isn’t a marriage then. People live fast and don’t slow down in life to get to know someone the way they should before marriage which eventually just leads to divorce. On the other hand, there are people who live together unmarried and raise children perfectly happy. Some of those people cannot marry legally though, they may want to be married, but a law restricts them from it.
Today’s way of thinking has become too complicated between all the labels between to people to what people settle for. They are treated a certain way then start to believe that’s the best they will ever be treated and end up unhappy with their life. The slower way of living helped people get to know each other before marriage in the past, while today is fast and more promiscuous life makes it harder for people to settle down. Marriage is important to some, but not until later in life after they have had their partying years and are ready to settle down. Life has changes for the better and for the worse for our generation because of the way of free thinking is allowed now that wasn’t accepted before.
As you get older some people start jumping on he bandwagon of marriage and tries to move you in that direction when they decide to. For some marriage means everything to them. Some men think they have to take care of women and the women will take care of the house and children, but that’s an archaic way of thinking. Most women want to work and contribute to the household, in reality today’s society needs two incomes to keep a comfortable lifestyle most people want and enjoy.
The temporary marriage license being introduced is one other thing this generation is adapting too, but some people are completely against it because of what marriage is supposed to represent a lifetime. Why would someone cut the lifelong commitment short? Divorce rates play a big role in that, it has become a normal thing and everyone knows at least one person who is divorced. The children of divorced parents get it the hardest between custody and their way of living being shattered. The hope of a till death do us part doesn’t happen for most people. It is almost uncommon to have one marriage in your lifetime.
Temporary marriage license may be good because divorce rates will go down, but then it really isn’t a marriage then. People live fast and don’t slow down in life to get to know someone the way they should before marriage which eventually just leads to divorce. On the other hand, there are people who live together unmarried and raise children perfectly happy. Some of those people cannot marry legally though, they may want to be married, but a law restricts them from it.
Today’s way of thinking has become too complicated between all the labels between to people to what people settle for. They are treated a certain way then start to believe that’s the best they will ever be treated and end up unhappy with their life. The slower way of living helped people get to know each other before marriage in the past, while today is fast and more promiscuous life makes it harder for people to settle down. Marriage is important to some, but not until later in life after they have had their partying years and are ready to settle down. Life has changes for the better and for the worse for our generation because of the way of free thinking is allowed now that wasn’t accepted before.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
My Name
My name Valerie Nicole Barnes doesn’t hold a connection to my heritage or family. When my name was being chosen my mom gave two options Valerie Catrell, my middle name would have been after Kim Catrell, or Nicole Marie, but my dad like Valerie Nicole better. The origins of Valerie comes from Roman times and Nicole comes from Greece. He only background know about Barnes is that we came from Southern part of the United States and owned plantations in the slavery days. I don’t know where they came from or when they cam to the United States. I didn’t know that side of the family because they didn’t approve of interracial relationships. I can tell you more about the Acosta family and the Collazo family which is the heritage of my family I have been exposed to.
The Collazo and Acosta families come from my grandma on my dad’s side who are full Puerto Rican. The Acosta family is prominent in politics in Puerto Rico. They have a street named after them going to the capital, San Juan. The Collazo family were the local town heroes in their city and were really good at their trade in shoemaking. They also have a street named after them where they owned a shop. Both families were known in Puerto Rico but when they came to the United States they became like everyone else.
Valerie and its nicknames like Val or Vale have been what my best friends or family have always called me. The nicknames have grown to be comforting because it has always had my closest people to me saying it. When I was younger I never really liked Nicole as a middle name, until someone used to call me Nicole to make me angry. Most of the time I never responded until he would just end up saying Valerie. I ended up liking my name; and to me it just sounds right and no one else I know has my name. The only thing I feared or didn’t like my name at that moment was when I got in trouble with my dad would say Valerie Nicole and I already knew I was in for something. The best feelings when hearing my name was at graduation and getting to walk across the stage and hearing my name at the start of a game and being part of the starting six.
My name means everything to me. It may not have ties to my heritage or family, but it is the person I am today. Every experience in my life, through laughs and tears, I have always been and always will be Valerie Nicole Barnes. My name is apart of my life and I wouldn’t not change it to be somebody different. I wouldn’t want it to be any other way but, sometimes I wish I knew more about my last name and the background of them. The only reason my name will ever change is when I get married, but other than that I think my name is perfect and describes me well.
The Collazo and Acosta families come from my grandma on my dad’s side who are full Puerto Rican. The Acosta family is prominent in politics in Puerto Rico. They have a street named after them going to the capital, San Juan. The Collazo family were the local town heroes in their city and were really good at their trade in shoemaking. They also have a street named after them where they owned a shop. Both families were known in Puerto Rico but when they came to the United States they became like everyone else.
Valerie and its nicknames like Val or Vale have been what my best friends or family have always called me. The nicknames have grown to be comforting because it has always had my closest people to me saying it. When I was younger I never really liked Nicole as a middle name, until someone used to call me Nicole to make me angry. Most of the time I never responded until he would just end up saying Valerie. I ended up liking my name; and to me it just sounds right and no one else I know has my name. The only thing I feared or didn’t like my name at that moment was when I got in trouble with my dad would say Valerie Nicole and I already knew I was in for something. The best feelings when hearing my name was at graduation and getting to walk across the stage and hearing my name at the start of a game and being part of the starting six.
My name means everything to me. It may not have ties to my heritage or family, but it is the person I am today. Every experience in my life, through laughs and tears, I have always been and always will be Valerie Nicole Barnes. My name is apart of my life and I wouldn’t not change it to be somebody different. I wouldn’t want it to be any other way but, sometimes I wish I knew more about my last name and the background of them. The only reason my name will ever change is when I get married, but other than that I think my name is perfect and describes me well.
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